Cleese, Idle and Jones
Announcer: "And now for something completely the same - a man with three buttocks. (phone on desk rings - he answers) Hullo? ... Oh, did we? (puts phone down and looks at camera) And now for something completely different. A man with three noses."
"we interviewers are more than a match for the likes of you, 'Two Sheds'. "
Have you heard the one about the three nuns in the nudist colony?
You move at your peril, for I have two pistols here. I know one of them isn't loaded any more, but the other one is, so that's one of you dead for sure...or just about for sure anyway. It certainly wouldn't be worth your while risking it because I'm a very good shot. I practice every day...well, not absolutely every day, but most days in the week
Man in loud and high pitched voice "I wish to report a burglary." First Sergeant: "Report a what?" Man in a ridiculous high pitch squeak: "Burglary!" First Sergeant: "That's the exact frequency... now keep it there." (another sergeant enters and goes round to back of counter) Second Sergeant in high pitched voice: "Hello, sarge!" First Sergeant in very deep voice: "Evening Charlie."
Interviewer: "Now if you and your pal had one big wish, Trevor, what would you like to see on television?" Trevor: "I'd like to see more fairy stories about the police." (fairy godmother trips lightly into shot)
Waiter: "That's all right sir, we get all sorts of lines in here. The head waiter will be along to abuse you in a few moments, and now if you'll excuse me I have to go and commit suicide."
START OF SKETCH - Voice Over: "'The free repitition of doubtful words - skit, spoof, jape or vignette, by a very under-rated writer." END OF SKETCH - Voice Over: "The free repitition of doubtful words thing, by a justly under-hated writer - The End"
Minister: "Good morning. I'm sorry to have kept you waiting, but I'm afraid my walk has become rather sillier recently, and so it takes me rather longer to get to work. Now then, what was it again?" Mr Pudey: "Well sir, I have a silly walk and I'd like to obtain a Government grant to help me develop it." Minister: "I see. May I see your silly walk?" Mr Pudey:... gets up and does a few steps, lifting the bottom part of his left leg sharply at every alternate pace... Minister: "lt's not particularly silly, is it? I mean, the right leg isn't silly at all and the left leg merely does a forward aerial half turn every alternate step." Mr Pudey: "Yes, but I think that with Government backing I could make it very silly."
Doctor: "Mr. Bertenshaw?" Mr. Bertshaw: "Me, Doctor?" Doctor: "No, me doctor, you Mr. Bertenshaw." Mr. Bertshaw: "My wife, doctor..." Doctor: "No, your wife patient." Nursing Sister: "Come with me, please." Mr. Bertshaw: "Me, Sister?" Doctor: "No, she Sister, me doctor, you Mr. Bertenshaw."
News reader: "In Fulham this morning a jeweller's shop was broken into and jewellery to the value of £2,000 stolen. Police have issued this picture of a man they wish to interview. (on the screen behind, him, there appears an identical picture of him, sitting at his news reader desk) Ah, they say, however, that acting on his information they now wish to interview a news reader in the central London area."