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492 facts:

45C
   means   
Patient is One Chromosome Short of a Full Set (thick)
Acades Vulgaris
   means   
Medical Students.
Acute Hyponicotaemia
   means   
Desperate for Nicotine Fix (cigarette)
Acute Lead Poisoning
   means   
Gunshot Wound
Acute Pneumoencephalopathy
   means   
Airhead
Adminisphere
   means   
Where Hospital Managers Work, Reckoned to Be "another Planet"
ADR
   means   
Ain’t Doing Right
AGA
   means   
Acute Gravity Attack (fell Over)
AGMI
   means   
Ain't Gonna Make It (won't Survive)
AHF
   means   
Acute Hissy Fit
Air-conditioned
   means   
Multiple Gun Shot Wounds
Albatross
   means   
Chronically Ill Patient Who Will Remain With a Doctor Until One or Other of Them Expire
ALC
   means   
A La Casa (send the Patient Home)
ALS
   means   
Absolute Loss of Sanity
APD
   means   
Acute Prozac Deficiency (depression)
Appy
   means   
Person With Suspected Appendicitis
AQR
   means   
Ain't Quite Right
ART
   means   
Assuming Room Temperature (dead)
Ash Cash
   means   
Money for Signing a Cremation Form
Ash Point
   means   
Where You Collect the Ash Cash
Assmosis
   means   
Promotion by "kissing Ass"
AST
   means   
Assuming Seasonal Temperature (dead)
ATD
   means   
Acute Tylenol Deficiency (simple Fever or Head Cold)
ATS
   means   
Acute Thespian Syndrome: Faking Illness
Aunt Minnie Lesion
   means   
Once Seen, Never Forgotten, Much Like Certain Aunts at the Family Wedding
Ax(e)
   means   
Surgeon
Baby Catcher
   means   
Obstetrician
Babygram
   means   
X-raying (radiographing) a Newborn
Bagged and Tagged (B&T)
   means   
Body Ready for Dispatch to Morgue
Banana
   means   
Patient With Jaundice
Bash Cash
   means   
The Money Paid for Completing Accident (insurance) Claim Forms in A&E
BBCS
   means   
Bumps, Bruises, Cuts and Scrapes (i.e. No Serious Injuries)
BBL Sign (Belly-button Lint Sign)
   means   
Male, Middle-aged, Overweight and Hairy
Beached Whale
   means   
Obese Patient Unable to Do Much for Him/herself Except Lie There With Flailing Arms and Legs
Benny
   means   
Patient on Benefit (welfare Payments)
Betty
   means   
A Patient With Diabetes
BFH
   means   
Brat From Hell
Blade
   means   
Surgeon: Dashing, Bold, Arrogant and Often Wrong, but Never in Doubt
Blamestorming
   means   
Apportioning of Blame for Mistakes
Usually to any locum or lowliest medic in sight
Blood Suckers
   means   
Those Who Take Blood Samples, E.g. Lab Techs
Blown Mind
   means   
Gunshot Wound to the Head.
Blue Blower
   means   
Patient With Severe Lung Disease
Blue Pipe
   means   
Vein
BOHICA
   means   
Bend Over, Here It Comes Again
BoneHo
   means   
An Off-service Resident Working in Orthopedics
Bones and Groans
   means   
Non-specialist General Hospital
Boogie or Goober
   means   
Tumour.
Bounceback
   means   
Patient Who Keeps Returning to the Hospital
Bounce
   means   
Returning a Turfed Patient Back to Original Dept
Box
   means   
To Die
Brain Fry
   means   
Electroconvulsive Therapy (ECT) for Depression
Brothel Sprouts
   means   
- Genital Wart
Buff
   means   
Re-hash the Patient's Story to Make It Sound More Appropriate for the Patient to Be Referred to Another Dept
Buff Up
   means   
To Ready a Patient for Release
Bug Juice
   means   
Antibiotics
Bugs in the Rug
   means   
Pubic Parasite Infestation
Bull in the Ring
   means   
Blockage in the Large Intestine
BUNDY
   means   
But Unfortunately Not Dead Yet
Bungee Jumper
   means   
A Patient Who Pulls on His Catheter Tube
Bunny Boiler
   means   
(Psych) Dangerously Obsessive or Unbalance Woman
From Glenn Close's character in "Fatal Attraction"
Bury the Hatchet
   means   
Accidently Leave a Surgical Instrument Inside a Patient.
BVA
   means   
Breathing Valuable Air
BWCO
   means   
Baby Won't Come Out (needs Caesarian)
Cabbage
   means   
Heart Bypass
Callbellectomy
   means   
Minor Operation
Call Button Jockey
   means   
Patient That Uses Call Button All Night Long for No Good Reason.
Captain Kangaroo
   means   
Chairman of a Paediatrics Department.
Cath Jockey
   means   
Cardiologist That Catheterizes Every Patient They See
CBT
   means   
Chronic Burger/Biscuit Toxicity (obesity)
CCFCCP
   means   
Coo-coo for Co-Co Puffs (dementia or Similar)
Ceiling Sign
   means   
Near-levitation from the Bed to the Ceiling Induced by Examining for Abdominal Tenderness
Celestial Discharge
   means   
Died
Celestial Transfer
   means   
Died (transferred to the Eternal Care Unit)
Cephosplat
   means   
Domestos Antibiotic; Kills All Known Germs
CFT
   means   
Chronic Food Toxicity(Obesity)
Champagne Tap
   means   
Bloodless Lumbar Tap
Chandelier's Sign
   means   
The Result of Any Test or Probing After Which the Patient Must Be Removed from the Chandelier
Chartomegaly
   means   
Patient is So Frequent S/he Has a Large (and Growing) Chart
Cheerioma
   means   
A Patient With a Highly Aggressive, Malignant Tumour
Choly / Chole
   means   
Patient With Cholecystitis (inflammation of the Gallbladder)
Chrome Induced Ischaemia
   means   
Patient That Develops Inexplicable Chest Pains when Arrested and Handcuffed
CKS
   means   
Cute Kid Syndrome
CLL
   means   
Chronic Low Life
Code 0
   means   
(Ambulance) Time-waster/tax-waster
Code Azure
   means   
Message to Other Medics to Do Nothing Extraordinary to Save a Very Ill Patient Who Will Die Shortly No Matter What is Done
Code Brown
   means   
Faecal Incontinence Emergency
Code Pink
   means   
Baby Taken Without Permission from Maternity/nursery by Family or Staff
Code Yellow
   means   
Urinary Incontinence Emergency
Coffin Dodger
   means   
Survived Against Expectations, or a Very Old Person
Cold-tea Sign
   means   
Refers to the Several Cups of Cold Tea on the Bedside Cabinet Beside a Dead Geriatric
COPD
   means   
Chronic Old Persons Disease
Cranial Rectosis
   means   
US: Butthead/ UK: Head-up-ass
Creepers
   means   
Geriatrics Using Walkers and Wheelchairs
CRI
   means   
Cranial-Rectal Inversion (head-up-ass Syndrome)
Crinkly
   means   
Geriatric
Crispy Critter
   means   
Severe Burns Case
Crock
   means   
Hypochondriac
Crook-U
   means   
Prison Ward in a Hospital
Crop Rotation
   means   
Ambulance Shuttle Service from Nursing Home to Surgery and Back Again
CRT
   means   
Can't Really Treat
Crumble
   means   
Elderly Pati
CTD
   means   
Circling the Drain (Close To Death)
C&T Ward
   means   
Coma Ward - "cabbages and Turnips"
Cut and Paste
   means   
To Open a Patient, Discover That There is No Hope, and Immediately Sew Him up
Dagenham
   means   
Severely Disturbed/mad
Dance
   means   
The Process of Tying a Surgical Gown Behind the Surgeon's Back
Dandruff on Wheels
   means   
Scabies or Other Transmissible Flaky Skin Condition
D&D
   means   
Divorced and Desperate
Impotence is legal grounds for divorce in 24 American states.
Deep Fry
   means   
Cobalt Therapy
Dement
   means   
Alzheimer Patient
DENTIST
   means   
Doesn't Even Need Treatment
Departure Lounge
   means   
Geriatric Ward
DFO
   means   
Drunk and Fell Over
DFO-SFJ
   means   
Done Fell Out - Screaming For Jesus
DIFFC
   means   
Dropped In For Friendly Chat
Digging for Worms
   means   
Varicose Vein Surgery
DIIK
   means   
Darned if I Know
Discharged Downstairs
   means   
Transferred to the Mor
Dishwasher
   means   
Sterilization Machine
Doc In A Box
   means   
A Small Clinic/health Centre, With Ever-changing Staff.
Doing the Twirly
   means   
Circling the Drain
Donorcycle
   means   
Motorbike: the Biggest Cause of Donated Organs!
Double Bind Trial
   means   
Two Orthopods Looking at an Electrocardiogra
Doughnut
   means   
CT Scanner
DPS
   means   
Dumb Parent Syndr
DQ
   means   
Drama Queen
Dr Feelgood
   means   
A Doctor Who is Indiscriminate About Prescribing Drugs
Drinkectomy
   means   
Separating a Drunk from His Can of Lager
Drooler
   means   
Catatonic Patient.
DRT
   means   
Dead Right There
DRTTTT
   means   
Dead Right There, There, There and There (patient Dead and in Multiple Parts at Scene of Accident)
DSB
   means   
Drug-Seeking Behaviour
DTMA
   means   
Don't Transfer to Me Again.
DTS
   means   
Danger To Shipping (in a Particularly Large Patient's Record)
Duck
   means   
Portable Urinal for Bedridden Male Hospital Patients
Dude Factor
   means   
Survival Scoring Factor Based on Social Worth.
Dunlap Syndrome
   means   
Belly Done Lapped over the Waistband; Obese
DWPA
   means   
Death/Dying With Paramedic Assistance
Dys-Synaptogenic
   means   
Stupid
Eating the Bill
   means   
- Providing Care for Indigent Patients Lacking Insurance
Eating In
   means   
Intravenous Feeding
EDGATWTTTF
   means   
Elevator Doesn't Go All The Way To The Top Floor
EMS
   means   
Earn Money Sleeping (joke at Expense of Emergency Medical Service)
EMT
   means   
Extraordinary Masochistic Tendencie
ERCP
   means   
Emergency Retrograde Clerking of Patient
ERNOBW
   means   
Engine Running, No One Behind the Wheel
Eternal Care
   means   
Intensive Care
ETOH
   means   
Extremely Trashed or Hammered
Expensive Scare
   means   
Intensive Care
FABIANS
   means   
Felt Awful But I'm Allright Now Syndrome
Family Care Plan
   means   
One Child Gets the Sniffles, Whole Family Gets a Trip to Doctor
Fanger
   means   
Oral Surgeon
FCBP
   means   
Fellow of the College of Bystander Physicians I.e. Doctor Having a Look-see
FDSTW
   means   
Found Dead Stayed That Way
Feather Count
   means   
Measure of Flakiness
Feet-up General
   means   
A Quiet District Hospital
FFDID
   means   
Found Face Down In Ditch
FFDIG
   means   
Found Face Down In Gutter
Finger Wave
   means   
Rectal Exam
FLB
   means   
Funny Little Bumps (unexplained Skin Bumps)
FLKBCOTP
   means   
Funny Looking Kid But Check Out The Parents
FLK
   means   
Funny Looking Kid
FLK W/ GLM
   means   
Funny Looking Kid With a Good Looking Mother
Flower Sign
   means   
Flowers at a Bedside, Denotes Patient Has a Supportive Family and Might Be Candidate for Early Discharge
FLP
   means   
Funny Looking Parents
Fluttering Eye Syndrome
   means   
Patient Faking Unconsciousness
FODE
   means   
Falling On Deaf Ears
FOOBA
   means   
Found On Ortho Barely Alive
FORD
   means   
Found On Road Dead
FOS
   means   
Found On Street: Unidentified Dead Homeless Person
FPO
   means   
For Practice Only (FTD)
Frequent Flyer
   means   
Someone Who is Transported to and from Hospital on a Routine Basis
Freud Squad
   means   
Psychiatrists
Fruit Salad
   means   
Group of Stroke Patients, All Unable to Take Care of Themselves
FTD
   means   
Fixing To Die
FTF
   means   
Failed to Fly (botched Suicide)
Full Moon
   means   
Full or Overcrowded Waiting Room
Gardening
   means   
Attending to Patients in Neurological Intensive Care.
Garden
   means   
Neurosurgical Intensive Care Ward, So Called Because of the "vegetables" Found There.
Gassers OR Gas Passers
   means   
Anaesthetists
Gatekeeper
   means   
General Practice Doctor Whose Role is to Keep Costs Low by Only Allowing a Certain Number of Patients to Go to Specialists
GDA
   means   
Gonna Die Anyway
Geosphere
   means   
Dirt Ball
GI Rounds
   means   
A Meal
GLM
   means   
Good Looking Mum
GOA
   means   
Gone On Arrival
Goat Rodeo
   means   
Emergency Scene Which Goes Badly
God's Waiting Room
   means   
Intensive Care Unit And/or Geriatric Unit
GOK
   means   
God Only Knows
Goldbrick
   means   
Patient Who Demands More Attention Than Their (minor) Condition Warrants.
Golden Ass
   means   
Affluent Mother Who Treats the Obstetrics Nurses Like Servants
GOMER
   means   
Get Out of My Emergency Room
Extended to mean elderly patient who is unable to communicate their symptoms and passed from one department to another
Gomergram
   means   
Ordering All Available Tests Because the Person is Unable to Explain What is Wrong With Them
Gone Camping
   means   
Patient in Oxygen Tent
Gorillacillin
   means   
Very Powerful Antibiotic
Gork
   means   
Comatose or Brain Dead
Gorked Out
   means   
Mental Impairment Through Disease or Substance Abuse
Go to Ground
   means   
Fall out of Bed or Chair
GPO
   means   
Good for Parts Only (won't Survive)
GRAFOB
   means   
Grim Reaper At Foot Of Bed
GRAHOB
   means   
Grim Reaper At Head Of Bed
Grapes
   means   
Haemorrhoids
Gravity Assisted Concrete Poisoning
   means   
Jumped/fell from Height
GTTL
   means   
Gone to the Light (died)
Guessing Tubes
   means   
Stethoscope
Gun and Rifle Club
   means   
Trauma Ward Full of Gunshot and Stabbing Victims
HAIRY PSALMS
   means   
Haven't Any Idea Regarding Your Patient, Send A Lot More Serum
Hallucinoma
   means   
A Mass Seen on a Scan or X-ray That Wasn't Really There
HALS
   means   
Hit And Left Standing
Hamburger (Helper)
   means   
Train or Juggernaut Vs Pedestrian
Hammered
   means   
To Get Numerous Admissions While on Call
Hammer
   means   
Local Anesthetic
Head Bonk
   means   
An Otherwise Uninjured Patient Who Was Struck on the Head
Head
   means   
A Brain-injury Patient.
Head Whack
   means   
Head Injury
Healthy Goober
   means   
Dead Tumour Patient.
Hearts and Farts
   means   
Unit Specialising in Geriatrics and Cardiology
Hepatology Conference
   means   
Doctors Meeting at a Pub or Bar
No late appointments, I'm going to a hepatology conference.
Hey Docs (or Haydock)
   means   
Alcoholics Handcuffed to Wheelchairs in Big-city Medical Wards Who Chorus "Hey, Doc! when They See a White Coat"
Hi 5
   means   
HIV Positive
HIBGIA
   means   
Had It Before, Got It Again
Hippo
   means   
Hypochondriac
or depressive
Hit and Run
   means   
The Act of Operating Quickly So As Not to Be Late for Another Engagement
HIVI
   means   
Husband Is Village Idiot
HMF
   means   
Hysterical Mother Figure
Hole-in-One
   means   
A Gunshot Wound Through the Mouth or Rectum.
HOPEFUL
   means   
Hard-up Old Person Expecting Full Useful Life
Horrendoplasty
   means   
Difficult Operation for 12 Hours on a Patient With a BMI of 45
Hospital Hobo Syndrome
   means   
Person Who Visits Multiple Hospitals Seeking Attention or Accommodation
House Red
   means   
Blood
HTD
   means   
Higher Than a Duck
HTK
   means   
Higher Than a Kite
Humpty-dumpty Doctor
   means   
A Physiotherapist or Rehabilitation Doctor
HVLT
   means   
High Velocity Lead Poisoning: Gunshot Wound
Hypoxanaxemia
   means   
Patient With Anxiety Symptoms (Xanax Deficiency)
Icing on the Cake
   means   
Lethal Tumor Discovered in the X-rays of a Heart Attack Victim.
Improving His Claim
   means   
Victim of Minor Accident, Needs No Treatment but Wants Something to Support His Insurance/legal Claim.
Inbreds
   means   
Doctors Whose Parents Are Also Doctors
Incarcaphobia
   means   
Patient is Hypochondriac Prisoner Who Prefers Hospital to Jail Cell
Incarceritis
   means   
Becoming Dubiously Ill when Arrested or in Court
Incidentaloma
   means   
A Usually Benign Mass (needing Removal) Found on a Scan While Looking for Something else Entirely
Insurance Pain
   means   
Neck Pain Secondary to a Minor Car Bump
Insurance Whiplash
   means   
Neck Pain Secondary to a Minor Car Bump
International House of Pancakes
   means   
Neurology Ward Full of Patients All Babbling in a Different Language.
Intubate Junior/Intubate Willy
   means   
Catheterise a Man
ISQ
   means   
In Status Quo ("no Change"): Often Used During the Weekend Surgical Round
ITBNTL
   means   
In The Box, Nail The Lid (dead or Dying)
Jailitis
   means   
Becoming Dubiously Ill While in Custody or in a Jail Cell JLD
JPS
   means   
Just Plain Stupid
Kidney Stone Squirm
   means   
A Spot Diagnosis in A&E
Knife and Gun Club
   means   
Local Street Gangs or Criminal Organizations That Keep ER in Business
Knife-happy
   means   
An Overly Enthusiastic Surgeon
Knuckledragger
   means   
Orthopedic Doctor/Surgeon
Larry
   means   
Locum, As in "doing a Larry"
Last Flea To Jump Off A Dead Dog
   means   
Oncologists Who Seem Unable to Let People Die With Diginity
LDF
   means   
Lying Down Fit
Leeches
   means   
Those Who Take Blood Samples, E.g. Lab Techs
LFTWM
   means   
Looking for 3 Wise Men
Applied to young pregnant females who deny paternity
LGFD
   means   
Looks Good from Door LGFTC - Looks Good from the Corridor (but Not Closely Examined)
Lignocephalic
   means   
Wooden-headed
Liver Rounds
   means   
Staff Party, So Called Because of Liver-damaging Alcohol
LMC
   means   
Low Marble Count (low IQ)
LOBNH
   means   
Lights On But Nobody Home
LOFD
   means   
Looks Okay From Door
LOLFDGB
   means   
Little Old Lady, Fall Down, Go Boom
LOLINAD
   means   
Little Old Lady In No Acute Distress
LOL
   means   
Little Old Lady
Loop-the-loop
   means   
Flamboyant Surgical Rearrangement of the Intestines.
Loose Change
   means   
Dangling Limb in Need of Amputation.
LPT
   means   
Low Pain Threshold
LRO
   means   
Luck Ran Out (cheated Death Before, but Not This Time)
Map of Antarctica
   means   
Appearance of Fatal Spontaneous Brain Haemorrhage on CT Scan
MARPs
   means   
Mind Altering Recreational Pharmaceuticals
Marriageable Monster
   means   
Young Female Patient Who Has Successfully Undergone Major Plastic Surgery.
Matern-a-taxi
   means   
When a Pregnant Woman Calls an Ambulance Because the Contractions Are Every 2 Minutes, but She Doesn't Have a Single Contraction During a 30 Minute Journey to Hospital
Meat Hooks
   means   
Surgical Instruments.
Metabolic Clinic
   means   
The Tea Room
MGM Syndrome
   means   
Faker Putting on a Real Good Show
Michelin's Disease/Disorder
   means   
Multiple Spare Tyres (obese)
MICO
   means   
Masterly Inactivity and Catlike Observation
MICOS
   means   
Masterly Inactivity, Cat-like Observation and Steroids
Microdeckia
   means   
Patient Playing With Less That a Full Deck (low IQ
Molar Masher
   means   
Dentist
Mononeuronis Asynapsis
   means   
Thick (one Neuron, Not Connected!)
MUH
   means   
Messed up Heart
MU Pain
   means   
Made Up Pain (especially for Sick Notes and Insurance Claims)
NAD
   means   
Not Actually Done
NARS
   means   
Not a Rocket Scientist (low IQ)
Negative Wallet Biopsy
   means   
Patient Transferred to Cheaper Hospital Because S/he Has No Insurance/funds
NGMI
   means   
Not Going to Make It
NKDA
   means   
Not Known, Didn’t Ask
NLPR
   means   
No Longer Playing Records (dying)
No Hopeamine
   means   
Dopamine
Not Even in the Ball Game
   means   
Confused, Senile Patient
NPS
   means   
New Parent Syndrome
NQRITH
   means   
Not Quite Right In the Head
NQR
   means   
Not Quite Right
NSA
   means   
Non-Standard Appearance
OAP
   means   
Over-Anxious Patient
OB/GYN
   means   
Actually Means Obstetric/Gynaecology
Obs and Gobs
   means   
Obstetrics and Gynaecology
OFIGATOOS
   means   
One Foot In the Grave And The Other One Slipping
OFIG
   means   
One Foot In the Grave
Old Man's Friend
   means   
Pneumonia, an Illness Which Often Carried off the Elderly
Oligoneuronal
   means   
"few Brain Cells"
Ooh-Aahs
   means   
Those Who Gather to Gawk at an Emergency and Go "Oooh, Aaah"
OPD
   means   
Obnoxious Personality Disorder
Organ Recital
   means   
A Hypochondriac’s Medical History
Orthopod
   means   
Orthopaedic Doctor
O Sign
   means   
Patient Unconscious With Mouth Open
Osteocephaly
   means   
Boneheaded
Ostrich Treatment
   means   
Pretend It's Not There and Hope It Goes Away
OTD&DDR
   means   
Out The Door and Down The Road.
OTDPDS
   means   
Out The Door Pretty Damn Soon
Overpriced Carpenter
   means   
Orthopaedic Doctor
PAFO
   means   
Pissed [Drunk] And Fell Over
Paninvestigram
   means   
Order All the Tests; for when You Haven't Got a Clue What's Going on
Pathology Outpatients
   means   
Follow-up for Dead People
Paws Up
   means   
Dead
PBAB
   means   
Pine Box At Bedside
PBOO
   means   
Pine Box On Order
PBS
   means   
Pretty Bad Shape
Pediatron
   means   
Paediatrician
Peek and Shriek
   means   
Open a Patient Surgically, Discover an Incurable Condition, and Close the Incision Immediately
Percussive Maintenance
   means   
The Sharp Tap/bang Which Cures Faulty Equipment
Pest Control
   means   
Term Applied to Psychiatrists by Casualty Officers
PFO
   means   
Pissed [Drunk] and Fell Over
PGT
   means   
Pissed [Drunk] and Got Thumped
Pharmaceutically Enhanced Personality
   means   
Stoned or Medicated
PHAT
   means   
Pretty Hot and Tempting
Pink Puffer
   means   
Patient Breathing Rapidly Due to Lung Disease
PITA
   means   
Pain in the Ass
Pit
   means   
The Emergency Room
Plank Positive
   means   
Stupid, As in "thick As 2 Short Planks"
PLH
   means   
Pray Long and Hard
PLTDP
   means   
Practice Limited To Dead People
Plumboscillation
   means   
Swinging the Lead (malingering)
Plumbum Oscillans
   means   
Latin for "swinging the Lead" (malingering) I.e Seeking a Sick Note to Take Time off Work
Pneumo-cephalic
   means   
Airhead
Podo-Oral
   means   
Foot in Mouth
Policeman Lesion
   means   
Lesion on an X-ray So Obvious That a Policeman Would Spot It
Polydipose Dysfunction
   means   
Big, Fat Patient
Pop Drop
   means   
Granny Dumping (dumping Elderly Relative at Casualty Dept)
POPTA
   means   
Passed Out Prior To Arrival
PORG
   means   
Person Of Restricted/Retarded Growth (dwarf/midget)
Positive Hilton Sign
   means   
Demanding Patient Expects Hilton Hotel Luxury; Indicates Patient Well Enough to Leave!
Pot Plant
   means   
Person in a Persistant Vegetative State (often Used in Plural to Mean Coma Ward)
PPA
   means   
Practicing Professional Alcoholic
Pre-Detention Stress Disorder
   means   
A Person Who Feigns Medical Symptoms when Police Handcuff Him
Pre-stiff
   means   
Terminally Comatose Patient.
Psychoceramics
   means   
Psycho-geriatrics
Pumpkin Positive
   means   
A Penlight Shone Into the Patient's Mouth/ear Would Encounter a Brain So Small That the Whole Head Would Light up
Purple (code Purple)
   means   
When Paramedics Are Called out to a Dead Body
Purple Plus
   means   
Called out to Collect a Dead Body That's Started to Fester
PVC Challenge
   means   
To Intubate Someone.
QID
   means   
Queen in Distress (hissy Fit)
Q Sign
   means   
Patient Unconscious/ Terminal With Mouth Open and Tongue Hanging out
"Dotted Q" means flies land on tongue (dead/dying)
Q-Tip
   means   
Elderly Person (white Haired Old Person)
Quackpractor
   means   
Chiropractor
Qwertyitis
   means   
What a Doctor Suffers from when He Spends More Time on a Computer Than With Actual Patients
Rabbit
   means   
Over-talkative (from Slang "Rabbit & Pork - Talk)
Ralphie McYakkers
   means   
Young Drunks Vomiting
Rapid Lead Infusion
   means   
Obnoxious Patient Ought to Be Shot
RBG
   means   
Received by God
RBS
   means   
Really Bad Shape
Rear Admiral
   means   
Proctologist
Rear Admiralty
   means   
Proctology Dept
Removal Men
   means   
Dept of Care of Elderly People
Retrospectoscope
   means   
Instrument of Hindsight
Rheumaholiday
   means   
Rheumatology
Considered by hard-pressed juniors to be a less busy dept
Road Chilli
   means   
Unrestrained Driver/motorcyclist or Passenger, Ejected and Splattered
Road Map
   means   
Injuries Incurred by Going Through a Car Windshield Face First.
Road Pizza
   means   
Unrestrained Driver/motorcyclist or Passenger, Ejected and Splattered
Roasted Goober
   means   
Tumour After Intensive Cobalt Treatment.
Rocket Room
   means   
A Ward/unit Where There Are Many Deaths (many Transfers to Heaven)
Rooters
   means   
Indigents and Hangers-on Who Gather in Big-city Emergency Rooms in Order to Be Entertained by Legitimate Cases.
Rose Cottage
   means   
Mortuary
Rothman's Sign
   means   
Tobacco Staining of Fingers
Rounding Up The Usual Suspects
   means   
Ordering a Set of Tests for a Given Set of Symptoms
RPVU
   means   
Relative Porsche Value Unit: Surgical Index of Potential Income from the Repair of Patient Injuries, Usually Orthopaedic in Nature.
RT
   means   
Room Temperature (dead)
RTT With a BBB
   means   
Rat-a-Tat-Tat With a Baseball Bat (hit With Blunt Instrument).
Rule of Five
   means   
If More Than Five of the Patient's Orifices Are Obscured by Tubing, He Has No Chance
Samsonite Positive (Positive Samsonite Test)
   means   
Someone Who Turns up in Emergency With All Their Luggage (and Insists on Being Admitted to a Ward)
SBI
   means   
Something Bad Inside E.g. Undiagnosed Cancer/unexpected Serious Condition Found when Performing Surgery
September Club
   means   
The Students Who Have to Return After Summer Holidays for Retakes
Serum Porcelain
   means   
Battery of Blood Tests on an Elderly Patient
Serum Rhubarb
   means   
What They Test for at Tertiary Centres
SF Scale
   means   
Sphincter Factor Scale: 1 to 10 Scale Indicating Degree of Bowel-loosening in Response to an Emergency
SFS
   means   
Stinky Foot Syndrome (often Related to Homeless)
Shadow Gazer
   means   
Radiologist
Shandy Tap
   means   
Bloodless Lumbar Puncture
Shotgun Labs
   means   
To Order Many Lab Tests, Hoping One Will Turn up an Answer to a Puzzling Case
Sidewalk Souffle
   means   
Suicide-by-jumping
Sieve
   means   
A Doctor Who Admits Almost Every Patient He Sees
Silver Bracelet Award
   means   
Patient is a Prisoner Brought in Wearing Cuffs
Silver Goose, Silver Stallion
   means   
Proctoscope.
Slashers
   means   
General Surgeons
Slough
   means   
A Patient Inappropriately or Unfairly Unloaded from One Hosptial Unit on Another
Smurf Sign
   means   
Patient Blue or Going Blue
Snow
   means   
To Accidently Give a Patient Too Much Medication/mixed Medication So They Go Into an Altered State of Consciousness
Snowed - being in a state of altered consciousness due to too much/mixed medication
SOCMOB
   means   
Standing On Corner Minding Own Business (when Inexplicably Injured)
SODDI
   means   
Some Other Doctor Did It (when One Medic's Botched Jobs Must Be Put Right/answered for by Someone Else)
Sofa Surfer
   means   
Homeless Person Who Sleeps on Friends' Sofas and Floors
Soft Admission
   means   
An Admission That Only a "Sieve" Would Accept
Speed Bumps
   means   
Haemorrhoids
Spots and Dots
   means   
Traditional Set of Childhood Diseases - Measles, Mumps, and Chicken Pox
SRI
   means   
Something Wrong Inside (undiagnosable Problem)
Stage Mother
   means   
Person Accompanying Patient and Encouraging Patient to Exaggerate the Complaint
Often to obtain a particular diagnosis or to get an unnecessary prescription
Stamp
   means   
Skin Graft
St Elsewhere
   means   
Medical Academia's Term for Any Non-teaching Hospital
Stream Team
   means   
Urology Dept
Stupidity Panel
   means   
Lab Test (for Patient Stupidity) That, when Invented, Will Earns Its Inventor a Fortune
Sturgeon
   means   
Surgeon
Summer Teeth
   means   
Some Are Teeth and Some Aren't ...
Supratentorial
   means   
Above the Falx Tentorium/cerebellum I.e. Psychosomatic E.g. Supratentorial Pain
SWI
   means   
Something Wrong Inside
SWW
   means   
Sick, Wet and Whiny (infant)
SYB
   means   
Save Your Breath (for Patients Who Don't Take Advice)
Tash Test
   means   
Observation Suggestive of HIV Status (presence of a Freddie Mercury-esque Moustache)
Tattoo Titre
   means   
Indication of Patient Insanity: More Than 5 Tattoos Indicates Likely Crazy Person
TATT (or TAT)
   means   
Talks All The Time (also "Tired All The Time")
Taxidermy Consult
   means   
Call for a Taxidermist's Consultation I.e. Person About to Die
Tax-Sucker
   means   
Someone Who Does Not Need an Ambulance, but Calls Anyway Because It's Free
TBC
   means   
Total Body Crunch: Multiple Injuries
TBP
   means   
Total Body Pain
TEETH
   means   
Tried Everything Else, Try Homeopathy
Therapeutic Monitoring
   means   
Monitoring a Patient Purely Because It Makes the Doctor Feel Better.
Thorazine Shuffle
   means   
The Slow, Lumbering Gait of Psychiatric Patients Dosed up on Phenothiazines
Three-toed Sloth
   means   
Patient With Diminished Capacities, Usually from Long-term Alcoholism
TLC
   means   
Tube, Lavage & Charcoal (given to Poisoning Victim)
TMB
   means   
Too Many Birthdays: Person Dying of "old Age"
TMI
   means   
Three Meaningless Initials (e.g. John Smith, TMI - Applied to Medics With Qualifications Rather Than Ability)
Toaster
   means   
Defibrillator
TOBP
   means   
Tired of Being Pregnant (especially Patient Demanding Caesarian)
Tooth to Tattoo Ratio
   means   
Visual Determination of Basic Intelligence. A Positive Ratio (more Teeth then Tattoos) is Generally Better Than a Negative Ratio is Bad.
Torture Room
   means   
Intensive Care Unit (due to Invasive Tubes and Monitors and Experimental Treatments).
Tough Stick
   means   
Patient Whose Veins Are Hard to Find when Drawing Blood
Toxic Confusional State
   means   
Confused, Usually Elderly, Person Whose Problem is Due to Constipation (toxic Build up in Body)
Train Wreck
   means   
A Person With More Hospital Visits/diagnoses then They Have Years of Life
Trans-occipital Implants
   means   
Bullet Wound to the Head
Trauma Gods
   means   
Mythological Deities Whom A&E Personnel Believe to Be the Cause of Major Emergencies
Trauma Handshake
   means   
Digital Rectal Examination - Every Major Trauma Patient Gets One
Treat ’n’ Street
   means   
A&E's Term for Quick Patient Turnaround
Trick Cyclists
   means   
Psychiatrists
Trigger Happy
   means   
A Medic That Gives a Shot [injection] for Everything or Patient That Used Call Button Excessively.
TRO
   means   
Time Ran out
TSL
   means   
To Stupid to Live
TSS
   means   
Toxic Sock Syndrome (often Related to Homeless)
TTOAST
   means   
Take Them Out and Shoot Them
TTR
   means   
Tattoo-to-Tooth Ratio
TTR
   means   
Tea Time Review (a Ripping Yarn?)
T&T Sign
   means   
Tattoo-to-Teeth Sign: Survival Indicator
Those who are tattooed and toothless will survive major injuries
TUBE
   means   
Totally Unnecessary Breast Examination
Turf
   means   
Get Rid of Patient by Referring to Another Team (see Also Buffing, Sloughing and Bouncing)
Twitch
   means   
Hypochondriac
Two Stops Short of West Ham
   means   
(Psychiatry) Barking Mad.
Barking is slang for "mad" and also the name of a station; it is 4 stops from West Ham, but the psych slang follows the formula "2 sandwiches short of a picnic", "Tuppence short of a shilling" (simple-minded/nuts)
TWSAM
   means   
Trash Will Survive And Multiply
UBI
   means   
Unexplained Beer Injury
UDI
   means   
Unidentified Drinking Injury
UFO
   means   
Unidentified Frozen Object: Unidentified Dead Homeless Person in the Winter
Unclear Medicine
   means   
Nuclear Medicine
UNIVAC
   means   
Unusually Nasty Infection, Vultures Are Circling
UPF
   means   
Un-Passed Fart (gaseous Distended Abdomen)
Urban Outdoorsman
   means   
Homeless Person
VAC
   means   
Vultures Are Circling (dying)
Vampires
   means   
Those Who Take Blood Samples
E.g. lab techs (also slang for blood donor service)
Vedgy
   means   
A Patient Requiring Intensive Care, Incapable of Movement
Vegetable Garden
   means   
Coma Ward
Very Close Veins
   means   
Varicose Veins
Viaggravation
   means   
What a Doctor Gets from a Patient Who is Demanding Erectile Dysfunction Medication on the NHS
VIP
   means   
Very Intoxicated Person
Virgin Abdomen
   means   
Patient That Has Never Had Abdominal Surgery Before and Therefore Has Little Intra-abdominal Scarring
Vitamin H
   means   
Haldol
Vitamin P
   means   
Lasix
Vitamin V
   means   
Diazepam
VTMK
   means   
Voice To Melt Knickers (the Voice Deliberately Cultivated by Some Doctors)
WADAO
   means   
Weak And Dizzy All Over
Wall
   means   
A Doctor Who Resists Admitting Patients at All Costs
Wallet Biopsy
   means   
( Free Medical Test Performed by Hospital Insurance Department Before Patient is Treated
Ward X
   means   
The Morgue
Weed Puller
   means   
Obstetrician
Wig Picker
   means   
Therapist or Psychologist
Witch Doctor
   means   
Specialist in Internal Medicine
WNL
   means   
Will Not Listen; Patient Won't Take Medical Advice
WoGS
   means   
Wrath of God Syndrome
Visited upon junior medics by more senior staff
Woolly Jumper
   means   
Any Non-acute Physician
Wrinkly
   means   
Geriatric
YMRASU
   means   
Your Medical Records Are Screwed Up
YOYO
   means   
You're on Your Own
Zebra
   means   
An Unusually Strange or Unexpected Disease
Zorro Belly
   means   
Patient Who Has Had Multiple Abdominal Surgeries.


Facts contributed by:


USS Palladin








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